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If I had a dollar for every time I needed a dollar, that would be convenient
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donni saphire
@donni@mastodon.social
mastodon 4.8.0-nightly.2026-10-06Chicago comedian in real life, Internet poster in posting. Proudly hatless. Suspicious of most squirrels. Only wrestles sea cows seasonally
0 Followers
0 Following
50 Posts
Joined August 16, 2018
Pure Toots:
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You should stay up and read more posts. You’re just getting to the good part
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You can lead a horse to water, but it won’t be impressed. Horses know about water
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Relax. Everything will be fine. Not for you, of course. But somewhere, things are fine for somebody
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Are you depressed or are you simply aware of various situations
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I will never log “off” or become more “normal” or eat “less cheese”
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I keep my fruit in a paper bag so it ripens quickly and I can throw it away faster
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Most of you are fine, a few of you are great, and one of you is the Killer
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The jerk store called, just to gloat. They're having a great decade
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A good werewolf is hard to find. So is a bad werewolf. Werewolves are hard to find
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Every night I worry about 258 things, none of which happen, thanks to my preventive worrying
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That which doesn't kill you makes you extremely tired and somewhat grumpy
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Felt like crap. Drank a glass of water and feel so much better. Infuriating that this works
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Angry about the things I can’t change, nervous about the things I can
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Can’t go to sleep until I think of a foolproof solution to all current problems
It’s nice to feel good for like 5 minutes and briefly forget how everything is fucked
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This is the last straw. All straw manufacturers have shut down for some reason
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Going to bed soon, just need to do everything else possible first, and also space out for awhile
Sometimes I let myself feel optimistic for 3 to 5 minutes, as a little treat
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I’m sleepy, but sure, I could go for several more hours of spiraling thoughts
I’m not doing my best, but I’m trying my okayest
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CASHIER: Is there anything else?
ME [whispering]: There’s a whole world out there
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Fans of the weekend demand it be extended across the entire week
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Which awful person/institution deserves my witty yet stinging rebuke tonight
If you're going to make me choose between our friendship and my love of abruptly ending interviews, this interview is OVER
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Coping about the things I can’t change, seething about the things I can
*gets a small splinter*
So this is how I die
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If you’re happy and you know it, keep that information private, weirdo
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Getting upset all the time is bad for you, which is also upsetting
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“Things will probably be normal again soon!” he thought hopefully as decades passed
I have never had a plan. I just show up at different places, chewing on a hunk of bread
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It’s so lonely being the only human being who has ever experienced loneliness
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Love yourself the way you love all the other fun things that are bad for you
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If I could be invisible sometimes, I'd mainly use it to mess with cats
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Dreams: Are they real? Scientists are terrified. "This could be a dream RIGHT NOW!" one researcher screamed
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I’m just trying to have a chill time and eat a nutritious variety of vegetables
Sorry I never replied to your text. I just didn’t want to