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Cis women will often internalize their roles as human givers and enforce that upon themselves, other women, and girls in their lives. Think of every mother who dotes on her sons and trains her daughters to act as mothers before they are grown. Think of the girls who bully dykes and lesbians for being queer. Think of the cis women who didn't like Hilary Clinton, not for her politics, but because she was seen as a bitch. Think of the woman who is a feminist and yet struggles to allow herself to give herself permission to have needs, take up space as a person, and to not always take on caring as work.
So when trans women come out and assert that they can be women and human beings (as well be givers too in addition to beings), they are seen as a problem. I personally have been punished by cis women who were my bosses at work for demanding my needs, along with my coworkers, be equally considered. When I would be flashy, fun, and unashamed in my gender presentation, I have many times gotten side-eyes or judgmental looks and comments from cis women - and the feeling of resentment was often palpable. If I act in a confrontational way while advocating even for others, I am responded to as something less or worse than a bitch - an abomination, a monster, something that needs to be punished and removed.
This extends to how TERFs talk about us, seeing us as a threat because we assert our existence and humanity. Why would this be a problem for supposed "feminists" unless we are flagrantly violating the rules and traumas they still carry in themselves? They say we talk too much, we're too loud, and we take up too much space - how dare a (trans) woman speak up, be loud, or take up space?!
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This extends into how we can problematize the idea of "male socialization" of trans women. There is actually a lot more complexity and nuance to this construct that deserves discussion, but I will discuss another day.
What I see among trans women is that we are often, before transition, already taking on the role of "human giver." We minimize ourselves, subordinate our own needs to those around us, we give our emotional, physical, and intellectual labor to others and rarely ourselves. This isn't necessarily universal, but it is common. We have often internalized some idea of ourselves as being givers, likely influenced by the types of characters and narratives around women and girls we see in media.
This often shows up in our relationships, often failing to be able to take up much emotional space, struggling to voice or express our needs, and giving of ourselves to our partners. I think of my asexual transfem friends who subjected themselves to something similar to SA because they believed they owed their bodies to their partners. I think of my transfem friends whose partners, often cis straight women, became toxic or abusive when they came out, because for the first time in their lives they had needs, emotions, and took up space in the relationship. This was perceived as a threat to the cis women that were their partners - because only one person can be a human being and the other has to be a human giver...or at least that's the heteronormative narrative.
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