Post by @nicklockwood@mastodon.social

2025-06-12 08:00 UTC

@morganth@social.tchncs.de I think there's some nuance to this (isn't there always? 😅) I love to help with things I am good at and enjoy doing, but being asked to help with something I hate or suck at is a burden If I volunteer to help, I feel good. If I'm asked, it sometimes feels like an implied criticism for not volunteering (e.g. offering your seat to someone on a bus vs being asked) It's socially awkward to refuse a request for help. If you ask me and I have to refuse then I resent it

Replies (2)

@LillyHerself@mastodon.social 2025-06-12 09:19

@nicklockwood@mastodon.social I think there's a lot of truth in what you say. Encouraged by the many people who tell you "Don't be afraid to ask for help", I did so on a couple of occasions, only to discover that asking for help is actually considered to be an imposition, is resented, and is a damn good way to lose friends forever. @morganth@social.tchncs.de

Open ##3132371
@LDJ@mastodon.green 2026-06-24 13:24

@nicklockwood@mastodon.social @morganth@social.tchncs.de You’re right, that social aspect is a known cognitive bias that even affects what I do as a user experience researcher https://maze.co/guides/ux-cognitive-biases/types/ (number 10: social desirability bias) We want to appear as nice reasonable humans who want to help, so often people will say yes in a group setting or even a survey (but I do agree that most people want to help in general, it’s evident in any natural disaster, and people like feeling useful!) 1/3

Open ##5419043