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  NEWS! Americans given historic opportunity to tell Donald Trump to go f**k himself https://newsthump.com/2026/11/03/americans-given-historic-opportunity-to-tell-donald-trump-to-go-fk-himself-2/

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  NEWS! Man who wanted his money outside the reach of traditional authorities now pretty keen for traditional authorities to get it back https://newsthump.com/2026/10/30/man-who-wanted-his-money-outside-the-reach-of-traditional-authorities-now-pretty-keen-for-traditional-authorities-to-get-it-back/

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  NEWS! X launches new monthly subscription Pedo Premium+ https://newsthump.com/2026/01/09/x-launches-new-monthly-subscription-pedo-premium/

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  NEWS! New White House press secretary to be just a pair of pants on fire https://newsthump.com/2026/10/16/new-white-house-press-secretary-to-be-just-a-pair-of-pants-on-fire/

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  A multiple-choice question for you all...

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  We wrote this a decade ago, but given the current direction of the Trump administration, we could be weeks away from it becoming a reality... NEWS! Utah turns to death by meat cleaver as firing squads run low on bullets https://newsthump.com/2015/03/24/utah-turns-to-death-by-meat-cleaver-as-firing-squads-run-low-on-bullets/

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  NEWS! Under-16 social media ban heralds return of locally sourced, artisanal teenage bullying https://newsthump.com/2026/09/28/under-16-social-media-ban-heralds-return-of-locally-sourced-artisanal-teenage-bullying/

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  NEWS! 'Patriots' outraged as man arrested 'just for waving the Union Jack' outside the bank he just robbed https://newsthump.com/2026/09/23/patriots-outraged-as-man-arrested-just-for-waving-the-union-jack-outside-the-bank-he-just-robbed-2/

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  NEWS! Patriots who insisted ‘All Lives Matter’ celebrate closure of RNLI station dedicated to saving all lives https://newsthump.com/2026/09/19/patriots-who-insisted-all-lives-matter-celebrate-closure-of-rnli-station-dedicated-to-saving-all-lives/

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  NEWS! Apple unveils first foldable CEO https://newsthump.com/2026/09/10/apple-unveils-first-foldable-ceo/

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  Whenever we see someone post that they're stopping their donation to the RNLI, like some right-wing virtue-signalling flex, we can't help but think of this. You can donate to the RNLI here: https://rnli.org/support-us/give-money/donate

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  Such was the demand, we've added our most popular new design to a mug, so now you can annoy the stop the boats crowd while enjoying a cuppa. With FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/nmKH2C

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  So one of the Reform officials who stepped down is a Cambridge academic pretending to be someone he most clearly is not? This will no doubt be the focus of the right-wing press for weeks to come - right?

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  'Foreign' things are bad, apparently.

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  NEWS! ‘Meta would never harm a child’ insists Mark Zuckerberg luring Hansel and Gretel into his cake-house https://newsthump.com/2026/08/19/meta-would-never-harm-a-child-insists-mark-zuckerberg-luring-hansel-and-gretel-into-his-cake-house/

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  NEWS! Reform promises to restore British children's lungs to their traditional pollution-stunted size https://newsthump.com/2026/08/19/reform-promises-to-restore-british-childrens-lungs-to-their-traditional-pollution-stunted-size/

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  NEWS! Zuckerberg Yacht didn't respond to distress call as Meta algorithm determined there was no 'violation of community standards' https://newsthump.com/2026/08/11/zuckerberg-yacht-didnt-respond-to-distress-call-as-meta-algorithm-determined-there-was-no-violation-of-community-standards/

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  Punching Na**s is always cool. A statement so uncontroversial it really shouldn't need saying. But apparently it does. Get the Tee with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/qchUvv

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  NEWS! Heinrich Himmler withdraws as Tory election candidate https://newsthump.com/2026/08/05/heinrich-himmler-withdraws-as-tory-election-candidate/

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  NEWS! Extraterrestrial beings cancel plans to save humanity after accidentally watching 12 minutes of Love Island https://newsthump.com/2026/08/04/extraterrestrial-beings-cancel-plans-to-save-humanity-after-accidentally-watching-12-minutes-of-love-island/

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  NEWS! Donald Trump cancels Iran strikes after decision-making coin lands on heads https://newsthump.com/2026/08/03/donald-trump-cancels-iran-strikes-after-decision-making-coin-lands-on-heads/

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  NEWS! Gianni Infantino concludes only person capable of fixing Gianni Infantino's mess is Gianni Infantino https://newsthump.com/2026/08/01/gianni-infantino-concludes-only-person-capable-of-fixing-gianni-infantinos-mess-is-gianni-infantino/

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  NEWS! Plans to improve transport links in North include moving Leeds 43 miles closer to Manchester https://newsthump.com/2026/07/30/plans-to-improve-transport-links-in-north-include-moving-leeds-43-miles-closer-to-manchester/

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  NEWS! Man unable to identify single Jared Leto project he'll now have to stop enjoying https://newsthump.com/2026/07/29/man-unable-to-identify-single-jared-leto-project-hell-now-have-to-stop-enjoying/

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  NEWS! US Doctors discover new link between rising measles cases among children and their parents being gullible morons https://newsthump.com/2026/07/28/us-doctors-discover-new-link-between-rising-measles-cases-among-children-and-their-parents-being-gullible-morons/

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  NEWS! Ryanair to introduce optional 'window retention' fee for passengers preferring windows to stay in place for entire journey https://newsthump.com/2026/07/27/ryanair-to-introduce-optional-window-retention-fee-for-passengers-preferring-windows-to-stay-in-place-for-entire-journey/

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  Do cannibals sometimes chew through concrete walls? Asking for a friend.

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  NEWS! Man's joy at finding a parking space ruined by hidden Smart car https://newsthump.com/2026/07/22/mans-joy-at-finding-a-parking-space-ruined-by-hidden-smart-car/

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  NEWS! British Avengers: Doomsday trailer features Bananaman, Supergran, Superted and Dangermouse https://newsthump.com/2026/07/21/british-avengers-doomsday-trailer-features-bananaman-supergran-superted-and-dangermouse/

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  NEWS! I said nothing when they came for Laurence Fox, I said nothing when they came for Russell Brand, and I said nothing when they came for Andrew Tate, and I remain perfectly comfortable with all of those decisions https://newsthump.com/2026/07/19/i-said-nothing-when-they-came-for-laurence-fox-i-said-nothing-when-they-came-for-russell-brand-and-i-said-nothing-when-they-came-for-andrew-tate-and-i-remain-perfectly-comfortable-with-all-of-those/